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# Tell forty year-old men it’s okay to behave like fourteen year-old school girls: Printing Press Production Coordinator
# Provide arcane information on a need-to-know basis: Chief Accountant
# Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire: Consumer Products Tester
# Manage urban renewal and pest control: B-52 Bomber pilot
# Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds: Sailing Instructor
# Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans: Civil Engineer, Transportation Design
# Teach kids to be evil…or so they say: Video Game Creator
# Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool: Lifeguard
Over on the Dilbert Blog,
Scott Adams gave his readers an assignment: “describe your own job in one sentence, preferably in a humorously derogatory way.” Here are the best replies from among the hundreds, with the top 10 at the end.

  • Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant
  • Help people lie consistently to their bosses: Business Intelligence Consultant
  • Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out: Fast Food Employee
  • Clean up an animal that makes more money then me in a year: Assistant Horse Trainer
  • Make people feel bad about their work: Quality Assurance Tester
  • Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them: Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber
  • Help people hate each other: Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favorite)
  • Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms: TV Ad Director
  • Sell gas: Energy and Telecom Business Analyst
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